Songs from Yes and No

• Artist: Andy Ditzler
  
• Album: Songs from Yes and No
  
• Year: 2005
  
• Why I picked it up: The cover was a pretty interesting simple drawing of a map, leading me to believe it might be more arty than your typical album.

This is not a music album in the traditional sense. To quote the liner notes, "Yes and No is a multimedia theater work which includes the songs on this album." Ok, so I picked up a soundtrack by mistake. No big deal, right? Wrong. While I'm not making any comment on Yes and No as a theater work, the music itself is simply not tolerable as a stand-alone work. After fifty minutes of listening to Andy Ditzler crone on about what's strange about American culture and economics and such, you'll be itching to put on something else. Don't get me wrong, as far as a musical achievement, it's certainly well-done, with good composition, instrumentation, and even good if too-clear lyrics. The problem is one of cheesiness and lack of context.

Don't get this unless you saw the theater work and liked it. (Based on the album itself, I wouldn't be surprised if that's a null set, but hey, you never know.)

• Standout track: Citizens
  
• MySpace: Andy Ditzler
  
• How much I would've paid: $0
  
• Rating: 1/5

This is an Action Figure Party that is worth opening those mint condition Star Wars figurines

• Artist: Action Figure Party
  
• Album: Action Figure Party
  
• Year: 2001
  
• Why I picked it up: The album art has fun imagery of an action figure with two torches, breathing fire, and the name was Action Figure Party, I was hoping it would end up being some comedic poppy music.

This album is very good. There, I said it. It has catchy tunes and its got a sound that would make an amazing background soundtrack to any work you have to do. The jazz pianist that plays on the album is truly amazing. The songs which do have lyrics are really superb, the vocals delivering a nice smooth addition to the jazzy backgrounds, and the instrumental jazz sessions are truly phenomenal, with the only drawback being that the same melodies and sounds tend to be recycled just a bit too often by every instrument except the keyboards. The slow tracks like "Green" also bring down the album, as they do not provide the required poppy hooks of the other tracks to make it listen-to-able.

A very nice piano-focused jazz sound with excellent sax, keyboards, guitar and more.

• Standout track: Where's The Moment
  
• MySpace: N/A
  
• How much I would've paid: $3
  
• Rating: 4/5

"Fallatious words of a snake"

• Artist: Two Ton Boa
  
• Album: Parasiticide
  
• Year: 2006
  
• Why I picked it up: The album cover was really cool, with a gorgon like-head, only some snake heads are replaced with plugs, which adds to the image of the electricity pylons in the background

Two Ton Boa is a competent rock band with a unique sound. Unique, but not always great. There are certainly a few tracks which are definitely very well done, but there are also enough tracks which simply shouldn't have been recorded. The trite bass lines are too simplistic to be drawing, and the guitar also ends up being typically too downplayed. There is much too much focus on the vocalist, and since she's not such a good singer--she has two styles: low & droning or high & soft--this equates to many songs not being up to par.

The lead singer also plays the bass, it's a shame she's not too good at either.

• Standout track: Cyanide
  
• MySpace: Two Ton Boa
  
• How much I would've paid: $1
  
• Rating: 2/5

PETA Hates These Guys

• Artist: Ape Hangers
  
• Album: Ultrasounds
  
• Year: 1995
  
• Why I picked it up: The album artwork is a good retro-50s throwback style drawing which I liked a lot.

The Ape Hangers are a pretty good rock band with an almost oldies/surf rock feel to them, albeit a revived and heavier oldies. This is one of those albums that'll have you tapping along to the beats and rocking out. Sure, it's not deep musically or even terribly good, but it's fun. There's music that opens your eyes and changes the way you view what music is, and there's music that just makes you want to smile and dance. This is the latter.

Incidentally, I store fur coats on ape hangers. *rim shot*

• Standout track: Red Hot Rocket
  
• MySpace: Ape Hangers
  
• How much I would've paid: $4
  
• Rating: 4/5

Duct Tape and a Gun

• Artist: Ominous Seapods
  
• Album: The Super Man Curse
  
• Year: 2000
  
• Why I picked it up: The cover has a pretty good picture of the band members watching Clark Kent a Super Man take off. (I see what you did there.)

The Ominous Seapods are a pretty competent rock band with heavy guitar tracks and liberal use of a wah-wah pedal, and the occasional bit of brass thrown in. Overall, it adds up to a pretty good, if slightly generic rock. The biggest issue is that after the disc is done, not many of the songs stick around in the mind. The only highly-memorable song is the comedy track "Bong Hits & Porn," although it is by no means their best. The album also comes with a fantastic three-track live disc, including a great rendition of "Ziggy Stardust." Sure, it's not Bowie himself, but it's still a great listen.

Well, it's Saturday afternoon, I'm gonna go do some bong hits and porn.

• Standout track: Money to Burn
  
• MySpace: Ominous Seapods
  
• How much I would've paid: $5
  
• Rating: 3/5

"I don't want to be imaginary"

• Artist: Angel and the Love Mongers
  
• Album: The Humanist Queen
  
• Year: 2007
  
• Why I picked it up: A friend recommended it when she found it in the store. The long, thin neck of the devilish woman was appealing.
  

Angel Zuniga has a wonderful, distinctive voice. The smooth rock that Angel and the Love Mongers play is very wonderful, with solid and strong bass lines, excellent guitar riffs when they come, and drumming that can remain secure and varied while not overpowering any other instruments. The band also brings in numerous other artists to provide background vocals and more instruments ranging from keyboards to a mandolin. The songs on the album range from being upbeat with "The Humanist Queen" to slower and heavier tracks such as "Let It Be Done," and with mid tempo songs between like "Nikki Hart."

I'll bow to The Humanist Queen

• Standout track: The Humanist Queen
  
• MySpace: Angel and the Love Mongers
  
• How much I would've paid: $10
  
• Rating:

4/5